Dirty Laundry

A Peek At My Intimate Place

No, it’s not what you’re thinking. It’s my interview and pics on Jennifer Bertman’s Creative Spaces blog. Go check it out. And then you can check out other (not quite as fascinating) author’s creative spaces.

Writing Is Making Me Shorter

Yes, it’s sad but true. My writing profession seems to have taken a serious toll on my height.

Now, I’ve always known writing was a dangerous occupation. For some time now I’ve realized the negative effect it’s been having on my weight. All that sitting and pastry consuming can really pack on the pounds. It wasn’t until I got my iPad and started counting calories and exercising like a fiend that I was able to shed a portion of my girth.

But just recently I discovered, much to my horror, that hunching over my computer for hours at a time seems to have subtracted over an inch from my stature.

And how did I find this out? Because, really, how often does one measure one’s height? This one, not very often. So let me explain.

My wonderfully fabulous wife had asked for a professional doctor’s scale for her birthday. “It’s all I want!” she said. “Nothing else! Just a professional scale with the sliding weight thingy that will give us an accurate reading.”

You see, the thing is, we have been using a digital scale for years now and it’s a frustrating exercise to step on the thing. One day it tells you you’re five pounds heavier than the last, and the next it tells you you’ve lost three and half pounds sitting around on the couch watching The Biggest Loser and eating cookies.

Now, granted, a doctor’s scale doesn’t seem like the most romantic gift to give one’s wife, but I’d been told in no uncertain terms that this was the only gift that would do and so I provided. Having to call up many different medical supply stores in the area until I finally found one that would ship one in.

Anyway, suffice it to say that my wife was extremely pleased! In fact, we both were pleased as we stepped on the scale to realize we were doing pretty good with our exercise, iPad calorie counting regime.

What I WASN’T particularly pleased about was when my wife slid up the height rod and aligned it with the top of my lumpy head (the lumpy head thing is another story entirely).

Years ago when I measured myself I was a perfectly average height of 5’10” (okay, well, really it was five foot, nine and a half inches, but I was always taught in Math Class to round up, and so I did as I was told).

BUT NOW! Well, now it appears that I am just north of 5’8”!!!! WTF? big surprise

How is that even possible? The only explanation we could think of was spine compression from all the hunching and writing.

A sad day indeed.

I suppose now I’ll need to go out and buy an XBox Kinect and start doing some futuristic yoga.

Or… I guess I could just stop writing grin

Time Flies When You’re…

... on a deadline. Jeez, the days just seem to whip on by. I can’t believe it’s February already. When last I looked it had just turned 2011. And now, here we are, into the second month of the year. Yikes. I should probably stop blogging and get back to finishing my new book. But since I made a promise to try and blog at least once a week, I’m trying to keep up with it. But don’t worry, this will be a short one. Just a little fear and terror to shake off before I jump back into the writing.

Truth be told, I should have been done with a first draft already. But as is often the case with my writing, I got lost in the forest of my story and now I’m trying to grope my way to the end. Right now I’m in that “Oh my God, am I ever going to be able to wrap this book up” phase. It’s all part of the process, I suppose. And it’s happened on each book so far. But you forget (and by “you,” I mean “I”) about it when one dives into a new project. You (or I) conveniently put aside the terror of being in the middle of the ocean (your - or my - story) with no shore in sight and having to figure out which direction you (or I) should swim.

Does that make any sense?

No, it doesn’t make sense to me (or you) either.

Anyway, just needed to get that off my (or your) chest. Thanks for listening.

P.S. Just a quick hockey aside. Much to be happy and nervous about in the NHL world. The Canucks are on a roll (which is good), and Sidney Crosby is still recovering from his concussion (which is bad, but good that he is recovering), and the trade deadline is rapidly approaching. Will your team do anything to better itself? Does it even need to?

P.S.S. Thanks for all the great emails and comments I’ve been getting. Every time I hear from someone who has read SWIM or BEAT it makes my day.